she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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