its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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