I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got inside last night via doggy door
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
