i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
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