So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
