God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
