so that wasnt chicken after all
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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