Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
