i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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