haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize