So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
