she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Found your dick twin last night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
