You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
