do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
