Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
