Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
