The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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