don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize