There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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