and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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