I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
