My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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