So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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