i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
