when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
