ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
