Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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