But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
