Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
