I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
