it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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