Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
