look no pants
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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