So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
