Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
