please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
