this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
