i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
