Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
