i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
