tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My dick has a subreddit
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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