he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
