as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
