Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
