The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
