Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
