We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
