just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Holy sore nipples Batman
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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