he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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