I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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