We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
