Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
