She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
