in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
