Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
