just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Randomize
