If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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