Can i not drive my cunt home
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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