i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize