Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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