Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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