ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am mentally ready for anal.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
