I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
