Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I woke up under a house in Key West
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
