i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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