I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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