and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
