i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize