SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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