weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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