Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
